Pitch Wars Behind The Scenes Part 2: The Mentors Strike Back

Hi there. Mike again. If you read my post yesterday, you might notice that I’m on a different website today. I’m in hiding. They’re looking for me over at my website, so I moved over here to To The Shelves, which is a group blog, shared by the mentees of 2015.

See, after I wrote yesterday’s post, there were…repercussions.

The middle grade mentors responded with their typical dignity and decorum.


The YA mentors looked up from their phones, rolled their eyes, then went back to ignoring me.

The Romance writers…they had a more measured response.

Kill him

So now I’m on the run from a team of romance writing assassins. At least I assume they’re romance writers. They’re sarcastic, they use a lot of dirty words, and they’re wearing pajama bottoms.

But I would not be deterred. The people need the truth*

You see, there are other groupings of mentors beyond age category, and as the contest goes toward the end, these groups become more and more stratified, turning on each other like a group of hyenas fighting over the remnants of Poomba’s carcass.

The first group consists of mentors who have already made their picks and realized that nobody is going to fight them. You can tell this group by the smug looks on their stupid faces. You’ll hear them saying things like ‘I wish the selection period was over so I could start working with my mentee today.’ And of course you’ll also be able to recognize them by all the other mentors giving them the finger behind their back.

You're an asshole

The next group are those who haven’t decided. You can tell these mentors by the coffee stained shirts, the bags under their eyes, and the e-readers surgically attached to their hands.


The third group took on different tactics. They found a book that they loved, looked around, wondering if anybody else had seen it. Then they did the honorable thing. They ran and hid. Like Rue in the Hunger Games, they took to the trees, hoping everybody would overlook them. We’re hoping they make it back in time for the selection reveal, although some reports suggest they don’t even exist.

And that of course brings us to the last group. They found the MS they love, only to find it also loved by another, like some crazy book love triangle. Or maybe two other people loved it–that would make four sides–a love square? That doesn’t sound right. What about a love trapezoid? I’m sure romance writers know the answer, but it’s not like I can ask them…that whole ‘trying to kill me’ thing.

I got a quick look at this group — though trust me, you don’t want to get too close. They’re touchy. But this is actual footage of the preparations.


That’s our report for tonight. Thanks for stopping by To The Shelves, and while you’re here, check out all the great posts by last year’s mentees on a whole variety of topics.


*Still not true. Still making everything up.


Michael Mammay



  1. Best of luck to you Mike. Romance writer assassins are in fact the deadliest and the cattiest of all assassins.

Comments are closed.